Technology’s a bitch

Twitter is playing matchmaker. And I don’t like it.

Every few weeks, Twitter sends me an email. The email suggests people I should follow, people that Twitter, in all its technological wisdom, thinks I have a lot in common with. That I would get along with. And you know who tops the list every single time?

My ex-boyfriend.

Yes, Twitter, I KNOW. We have a lot in common. We are friends with the same people. Our profile pics look good together. I certainly thought we were a good match, BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

And you know what, Twitter? For months after we split up, I still had myself convinced he was the only man for me. It took a long, long time for me to get over it, to tell myself there might be someone else out there, better suited to me.

IT DOESN’T HELP IF YOU KEEP TELLING ME THERE’S NOT.

Twitter, why tell me this? If you’re so invested in us being together why don’t you bother HIM instead? Send him a memo. Hell, tweet him! Break the cold, hard truth to him, in 140 characters or less.

Idiot. You guys are a perfect match. Apologise, buy her many pink things and promise never to buy a dog. You’re welcome! #TwitterKnowsBest

And, it turns out it’s not just Twitter that’s playing back-to-the-future-matchmaker. I was complaining about the latest email to my housemate, when he told me about his experiment with internet dating. Turns out, of the thousands of women looking for love in London, the dating website hooked him up with not one, but TWO ex-girlfriends.

So what’s the deal? Is the internet REALLY unimaginative? Or have my housemate and I both missed out on the bona fide, technologically-proven person for us?

While you ponder that depressing thought, why not follow me on Twitter?

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10 thoughts on “Technology’s a bitch

  1. I wonder if Twitter has sent him the same “memo” they keep sending you! I’m so sorry this keeps happening to you.

    I am trying to separate my online presence (my blog and twitter) from my personal and professional life, but I’m sure some of my colleagues will start getting my name through Twitter. Social media isn’t for the anti-social.

  2. Twitter does not use the formula for happiness in your heart in their algorithm. You made the right choice it seems and should continue on your path to find the right mate.

  3. Seeing some of the losers Twitter thinks I’m “similar” to is often an affront to my self-image. It’d be more interesting if it gave us a list of complete opposites. We could follow them, gently abuse them, and try to change them.

    Anyway. Another post please. It’s been a week.

  4. I delete those Twitter emails – they never know what they are talking about and I have a hard enough time keeping up with the folks I chose myself to follow!

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